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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  October 5, 2017 12:37am-1:37am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- tina fey. mlb network analysts kevin millar & sean casey, comedian matt goldich, featuring the 8g band with gene hoglan. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. following reports that secretary of state rex tillerson called president trump a "moron" this summer, white house press secretary sarah huckabee sanders
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confidence in tillerson. there you go, rex. trump has full confidence in you. and you're in good company. >> does the president still have complete confidence in fbi director comey? >> there's no reason to believe he doesn't. >> general flynn does enjoy the full confidence of the president. >> seth: there you go, rex. [ light laughter ] trump has full confidence in you. you're gonna be fine. [ light laughter ] during his visit to puerto rico yesterday, president trump asked a service man how he feels to be representing the coast guard before the representative corrected trump and said he was a member of the air force. even more embarrassing, trump tried to order an ice cream sandwich from this guy. [ laughter ] "they're out of ice cream." [ light laughter ] former first lady michelle obama yesterday criticized the lack of diversity in congress. said congress, "not true! we have white men from 50 different states!" [ laughter ] according to reports, facebook
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connection with the russia investigation. though i think i already know what they're going to say. [ laughter ] according to propublica, ivanka and donald trump jr. were on the verge of being indicted for felony fraud in 2012. "but i'm too pretty to go to jail," said the one who isn't. [ laughter ] the nobel prize in chemistry was awarded today to three scientists who have developed a new way to capture 3d images of biological molecules. also awarded, the nobel prize for lack of chemistry. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think they might get it next year too. they're going to be a dynasty. [ light laughter ] according to a recent report, the price of legal marijuana has dropped by almost 19% this year. said marijuana users, "19% of what?" [ laught
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[ applause ] a man in tennessee was arrested for burglary while dressed like a pirate. police located the suspect by following his footprints. [ light laughter ] that's exactly what we deserved and no more. [ light laughter ] for that joke about a peg leg. [ light laughter ] the louvre museum in france has decided to remove an outdoor sculpture -- [ light laughter ] depicting two buildings having sex -- [ light laughter ] after it was deemed to be offensive. and nobody was more scarred by the exhibit than the building's son. [ laughter ] [ french accent ] "mom, dad, i have a piece of art at the louvre." "oh, i'm so excited to come. is it a painting?" "no, it is two buildings [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] a city in georgia has voted to change its name to "amazon" if the company selects it as the
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headquarters. and it would certainly be a major improvement. [ laughter ] and finally, nicolas cage's picture will be featured on special packaging for a popular japanese snack to promote his latest movie. incidentally, "japanese snack" is his latest movie. [ laughter ] "give me back my snacks!" [ cheers and applause ] we've got a great show for you tonight! from nbc's "great news" and "mean girls: the musical" -- it's really happening. tina fey is here, everybody. how about that? [ cheers and applause ] one of our favorites. we have a couple more friends of our show are back. they're here to chat about the baseball postseason. mlb network analysts kevin millar and sean casey, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] and stand-up comedy from a very funny man. matt goldich is joining us tonight.
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so, you're here on a good night. before we get to all that, president trump is coming off a disastrous visit to puerto rico yesterday, as he and congress deal with the renewed debate over gun laws. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: even before he arrived yesterday, trump seemed obsessed with one thing -- getting high marks for his responses to the hurricanes in texas, florida, and puerto rico. >> i think it's now acknowledged what a great job we've done and people are looking at that. and in texas and in florida we get an a-plus. and i'll tell you what, i think we've done just as good in puerto rico. >> seth: he's so desperate for an a-plus. i wouldn't be surprised if trump has someone write out fake report cards just e
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stick them on the white house fridge. [ laughter ] his dream -- his dream is for air force one to have this bumper sticker. [ laughter and applause ] but if trump really wants an a-plus for puerto rico, the very least he can do is stop blaming the victims of the hurricane for their own situation, as he did repeatedly over the weekend when he attacked the mayor of san juan. and yet, right after he gave himself an a-plus, trump said this about the recovery effort in puerto rico. >> now the roads are cleared. communication starting to come back. we need their truck drivers. their drivers have to start driving trucks. we have to do that. so at a local level, they have to give us more help. >> seth: no! that's not how this works. only donald trump could fly into a disaster zone and tell the victims to help him. [ light laughter ] how are you so bad at this? you're like a surgeon who asks his patient, "before we get started, can you take a look at this mole on my back? [ light laughter ] it's freaking me out." of course, this is all before trump arrived in puerto rico. i'm sure once he got there and witnessed the devastation firsthand he changed his tune. here he is meeting puerto rican officials yesterday and introducing his budget director, mick mulvaney. >> mick mulvaney is here -- right there. and mick is a judge of a thing called budget. now i hate to tell you,
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our budget a little out of whack. [ audience groans ] >> seth: of course, "a little out of whack" is what trump's report card would actually say. [ laughter ] trump somehow finds a way to screw up situations where all you have to do as a president, or even as a human being, is express compassion, show some grace and offer aid. for example, trump met yesterday with hurricane victims and surveyed the damage to their home. and these are the sage words our president parted to them before he left. >> we have a good house, thank god. >> and in the meantime, here you are, right? >> exactly, exactly. >> we're going to help you out. >> thank you. >> have a good time. >> seth: have a good time? [ laughter ] they're hurricane victims and you sound like you're hosting a barbecue. [ laughter ] "have a good time. try the potato salad. everyone says it's an a-plus." [ laughter ] and by the way, this isn't even the first time he said that exact thing to hurricane victims. remember texas? >> have a good time, everybody. i'm going to be doing a little help over here. hey, can youan
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it's a lot of -- >> yes, sir. >> have a good time. [ light laughter ] >> seth: have a good time with what? the bucket you put in his lap? [ light laughter ] "you're going to love this bucket. you can sit on it, store things in it, put it on your head. it's a lot of fun. have a good time." [ light laughter ] but if anyone seemed to be having a good time yesterday, it was trump himself. just watch him greet a crowd of hurricane victims in desperate need of supplies. after handing out a few items, he literally started throwing paper towels into the crowd via jump shot. >> seth: they were hit with a category five hurricane and you're handing out paper towels? [ light laughter ] how absorbent do you think they are? [ laughter ] "these are one million ply." [ light laughter ] he looks like a drunk grandfather playing pop-a-shot at dave & buster's. "grandpa, we have to go." "i'm close to getting enough tickets for a giant pencil!"
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[ light laughter ] trump is clearly much more comfortable tossing paper towels into a crowd than he is dealing with a crisis, because he has no idea what to do. he says things like "have a good time." because his life would be so much easier if everyone would just have a good time. he's like a stressed out mom trying to keep a thanksgiving dinner from going off the rails. "can't everybody just have a good time?" [ light laughter ] when he doesn't tell people to have a good time, he just sort of rambles. like yesterday when he called on a representative from the air force to give an update on the runways in puerto rico, which somehow led to him discussing new fighter jets that he apparently thinks are invisible. >> we're ordering hundreds of millions of dollars worth of new airplanes for the air force. , especially the f-35. do you like the f-35? i said how does it do it in fights and how do they do in fights with the f-35? said, "we do very well. you can't see it." you can't see it." you literally -- you can't see it.
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that you can't see, right? >> seth: because that's what people without drinking water want to hear. you just spent a ton of money on invisible planes. [ light laughter ] "sir, you look thirsty. would you like to see an invisible plane? [ light laughter ] trust me, it's up there. and it's a beauty. oh, it landed on my hand. [ laughter ] that's a delicious invisible plane. so what's going on in puerto rico?" the government's botched response to the crisis in puerto rico raised the basic question, can you count on your government for help when you need it? obviously if you're wealthy you can. as we speak, trump and republicans in congress are working on a plan to spend $2 trillion on tax cuts for the richest americans. but what about the victims of hurricane maria? or the victims of the horrific shooting in las vegas? we shouldn't have to plead with our government to do something after a tragedy, and yet here we are. if fact, the only gun bills the republicans have taken up recently would actually loosen gun laws. >> republican leaders in congress were pushing bills to ease rules on gun silencers and concealed
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lines. >> this bill that is go -- making its way through the house which calls for loosening gun restrictions and also, making it easier to purchase silencers for guns. >> seth: so what could possibly be the explanation for a bill like this? supporters argue that silencers, also known as suppressors, are actually necessary to reduce hearing loss for gun owners. >> gun control advocates say the bill is about militarizing weapons, not about hearing. >> it's a complete misunderstanding of the noise levels that unsuppressed firearms have. the risk that both recreational shooters and hunters have to things like tinnitus, which is ringing in your ears, and noise-induced hearing loss as a result to exposure to loud noises. >> seth: oh, all this time i thought congress and the gun lobby were ignoring our pleas for reasonable gun safety
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regulations. but it turns out they just can't hear us. so, in that case -- we need reasonable gun safety regulations. [ cheers and applause ] one of the co-sponsors of the bill, south carolina congressman jeff duncan, said he hoped the house would vote on the bill soon and defended it by saying it was polite to use a silencer. >> this bill isn't on the schedule that i know of. it has passed out of full committee and leadership has talked about bringing it up this fall. i hope by this week or next week, but we'll see. actually in europe it's considered to be neighborly to shoot a suppressed weapon, to dampen that sound. >> seth: oh, suddenly republicans care about what europe does? because in europe, it's also considered neighborly to give everyone health care, make college free, and take naps in the middle of the day for no reason at all. [ cheers and applause ] also europe has, like, five guns total, and three of them are held by guys who literally aren't allowed to move. [ light laughter ]
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now of course anytime the conversation turns to gun control, there are those who claim gun control wouldn't stop tragedies like this from happening. an argument we heard most recently on the fox business network. >> if that psychopath had god forbid, driven a truck into that crowd and killed a hundred people, would we be talking about truck control? >> seth: hmm. would we be talking about truck control? that's a good question. here's a good answer. no. i mean, forget for a minute that there's more truck control than gun control and that you need a license to drive one. there's always this slippery slope argument of if there's gun control, where does it stop. guns. it will stop with guns. one reasonable thing doesn't always lead to something crazy. you can have gay marriage without people marrying their pets. health care for all? what's next? mammograms for sandwiches? [ light laughter ] mammiches? [ light laughter ] gun violence is an epidemic and we need our government to do something ou
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republicans in congress what they plan to do, their answer is basically -- >> have a good time. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheeppuse ] we'll be right back with tina fey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks", be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ♪ hungry eyes ♪ one look at you and i can't disguise ♪ ♪ i've got hungry eyes ♪
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applebee's 2 for $20. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. applebee's 2 for $20. (whispering dad) trust me, we are going viral.ing to work? (kids laughing) (whispering mom) lets send in max. (kids) max! max! now this, is internet gold! going viral? get scrubbing bubbles clean and disinfect. what? 20,000 views! sc johnson. woman: for the holidays, we get a gift for mom and dad. and every year, we split it equally. except for one of us. i write them a poem instead.
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that actually yours... that one. yeah. regardless, we're stuck with the bill. to many, words are the most valuable currency. last i checked, stores don't take words. man: some do. oh. (alert beeps) not everyone can be the poetic voice of a generation. i know, right? such a burden. settle up with your friends on october 17th with the bank of america mobile banking app. settle up with your friends on october 17th people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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seth: welcome back, everybody. and please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also sitting in with us tonight, he's a pioneering legend in the world of metal drumming. playing with some of the top bands in the genre, such as testament, and dethklok. you can check him out on the new album from brendon small's galaktikon, entitled, "ii: become the storm." gene hoglan is here, everybody. thank you so much for being here gene. [ cheers and applause ] >> good to be here man, appreciate it. >> seth: our first guest tonight is a nine time emmy winner. you know her from her work on "saturday night live" and "30 rock." and such films as "mean girls," "baby mama," and "sisters." she executive produces and guest stars in the comedy series, "great news" which airs thursday nights at 9:30 here on nbc. let's take a look. >> my name is diana st. tropez. i am the only female fortune 500 ceo from a non shapewear related company. i sleep two hours a night. i'm never, not doing kegels. [ light laughter ] and my forte is rebranding struggling companies. and now, i diana st. tropez, am here to bring the breakdown into
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the 21st century. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our very good friend, tina fey, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: hi! >> hello. >> seth: it's so wonderful to see you. >> it's nice to see you! >> seth: it was wonderful to see you in "great news." >> thank you. >> seth: you're going to be the first three episodes. >> yes, i'm in the first three episodes. it's a show that robert carlock and i produce, it's a really funny show. i hope you check it out. and, we're super lucky. 'cause they give us a time slot behind "will and grace." >> seth: yes which -- >> is great. >> seth: is a big -- >> yeah. >> seth: like, when you have a tv show that's where you want to be.
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in. >> seth: yes. [ light laughter ] >> and so i think the network, you know, asked if i would do a few episodes. and i think their hope is just that people will see me with their glasses off and think it's megan mullally and just leave it on. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, right. >> yeah. >> seth: that's a really good way of going about it. >> start every episode with like, "honey, leave it on!" [ laughter ] use that. >> seth: very nice in that clip. your -- our old friend horatio sanz is in it. >> yes! >> seth: and then comedy legend andrea martin. >> yeah. >> seth: who was on this show, and is just a dynamo. >> yeah, andrea martin is someone that i've always wanted to just be friends with let alone, you know, get to work with. and on this show -- yeah, if you haven't seen it it's got andrea martin, it's got horatio sanz, it's got john michael higgins, who's one of the -- >> seth: fantastic. >> funniest guys in the world. briga heelan, nicole richie, they're all adorable and hilarious. and yeah, and andrea, of all of us, has the most energy. >> seth: yeah. >> right? andrea's, you know, the oldest member of the cast of 31. [ light laughter ] but she comes in, she's like nothing but energy. i was, like, i hadn't done a show in a while, and so, you know, they pick you up at like 5:00 in the morning. you're like, "oh okay, whatever." andrea rides her bike to the lot.
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just got up, and rode my bike." and i was like, "it's a little -- are you scared?" she's like, no the only scary part is when i go past the entrance of the freeway in the dark." i was like, "you might be a muppet." [ laughter ] like you -- you travel from place to place like fozzie bear. but, god bless her. >> seth: she's an inspiration. >> she is an inspiration. >> seth: this, i have to say, i'm not alone in being excited for this. "mean girls the musical." >> yes, sir. >> seth: and you just went -- [ cheers and applause ] and you started -- ticket sales. >> yes. "mean girls the musical" is finally after years of me just yammering about it, we're so close to people actually seeing it with their eyeballs. october 3rd was yesterday, which some people kindly refer to as "mean girls" day. >> seth: yes. >> because of a joke in the movie. and so, it was the day that tickets for the new york stuff went on sale. you can buy them online. meangirlsonbroadway.com. and so we went and we got a big food truck and we gave out cheese fries. >> seth: and there you are, you showed up. >> and i -- >> seth: so you actually showed up. >> i showed up. we had a big line of people. it was really exciting. fans came out to -- to get free cheese fries.
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>> seth: or cheese fries. yeah. [ laughter ] >> it's hard to know. and the greek part of me was super comfortable in the food truck. >> seth: oh, great. >> i was like, okay. we need more fries! leave them longer, they're not crispy! >> seth: and this just must be, because, like you mentioned, you've been working on this for a long time. >> yeah it takes -- >> seth: you have a cast, a very talented group of young people. >> we have such an incredibly talented cast of young people. i can't wait for people to see them. you can -- another way to buy tickets is -- you can buy tickets to see -- the out of town run of it, in washington d.c. at the national theater. those tickets are on sale at like, thenational.org? you know what, later on we'll put a thing here -- >> seth: yeah, we'll put a thing there. >> and it will be correct. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah, and if you're wrong about it, the lower third will be passive aggressive about how you didn't know what it was. >> okay, good. >> seth: also it seems like the group of people that are working on this show are pretty impressive people. because they actually started a go fund me page as well. >> oh yeah, the thing -- well weso
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the movie, actually. >> seth: oh, wow. >> on october 3rd, because they're probably tired of people tweeting at -- at them about october 3rd, they, like jonathan bennett and lacey chabert and daniel franzese in the movie. they started yesterday, for october 3rd, they started a go fund me page in support of people who were victims of violence in las vegas. so we, the cast of the broadway show are supporting that too. i think it's -- that one i think is gofundme/october3, or something like that. >> seth: we're gonna throw that up there too, we're gonna get them all up. >> i think that one's right. >> seth: there we go. >> so, yeah. changing -- changing lives. one cold thing of cheese fries at a time. [ light laughter ] >> seth: your daughters, 12 and 6? >> yes. >> seth: alice is the 12-year-old? >> yes. >> seth: does she -- getting a comedy education living with two very funny parents? >> she is -- i think she -- it's funny because at 12, they used such -- they used to be my only source of stories for programs like this, but now i can't do it anymore, because they catch me. >> seth: oh they don't -- >> like, alice came home one day and was, like, "hey, a friend of mine's sister showed me like a long youtube video of you telling stories about me on different talk shows." i was like, "i don't know what you're talking about." [ laughter ]
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#fakenews. [ laughter ] but yeah, it's cool. you'll see like, you know, ash, like when he gets bigger, you get so excited. that you get really like, i'm gonna -- they're bigger, i'm going to show you "back to the future." >> seth: yeah. >> and you get to show them movies and stuff that you love. and she's, you know, getting a really great comedy education on her own. she, over one summer she binge watched all of "the andy griffith show" twice. >> seth: wow. that's a real deep cut. >> that's a deep cut. all of "the dick van dyke show." i mean, these are fundamental principles. >> seth: i mean, just to go -- a kid in today's age -- >> yeah. >> seth: to say "i will watch black and white comedy." >> yes. [ light laughter ] black and white -- gentle black and white comedy. >> seth: gentle black and white comedy, yeah. >> she watched all of the american "office" this summer. >> seth: great. >> and i was like, those little seasons were like 26 episodes. >> seth: yeah. >> she watched it in like a week. [ light laughter ] and she came to me and she was like, "what should i watch now?" and i was like, well, you're 12 now. a lot of people like "30 rock." [ laughter ] so she's going to watch "30 rock" and she watched a couple and she came back out to me and she was like, "it's too weird for me."
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and i was like oh, is it, make you feel weird 'cause mommy had to -- i don't know, like pretend to be in love with somebody that wasn't daddy? and she was just like, "no, it's just too weird for me." and i was like, "oh, i thought you mean like, tonally." [ laughter ] and so i was like, okay. so, i had to take that hit. like, that was a hard motherly hit. >> seth: yeah. >> to take. and she's like, so what should i watch? and, i was like, well, you know, what about "parks and recreation?" you might really like that. and she was like oh, i watched all of it already. [ laughter ] and then -- it's so hard for me not to be, like, get in your room and watch "30 rock." [ laughter ] i was gonna spank her. i felt like that woman in "big little lies" when she found out that like, zoe kravitz gave her kid the pill, birth control. and i was like, "you come to me for that! you don't go to aunt amy, and mike schur." [ laughter ] >> seth: i just like my ensemble comedy "from aunt amy." >> i like a gentle mike schur sensibility. "30 rock" is overstuffed. okay, fine. >> seth: did you -- have they seen previews of the early work of "mean girls?" >> yeah. they've been coming to rehearsals every now and then,
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>> that is exciting. because, that is the first thing that jeff and i have done that they are truly excited about. >> seth: that's great. >> and the little one came and watched, you know, a full run through last spring and at six -- at five then, just all the wrong takeaways. she was just like -- she was going back to her preschool being let's play "mean girls." i'm regina. i yell at you. like, it was just like -- [ laughter ] she's like, i'm a sassy teenager. i was like, no, you gotta -- it's very positive at its core. [ laughter ] a very positive message. nope. i get it. >> seth: well this is -- i think of the takeaways, is be careful about the work you create over the years. >> yes. >> seth: because your children will, one day, take the wrong messages from it. >> yes, yeah. >> seth: yeah, well, i will do the same. thank you so much for being here. and congrats. >> thank you. i can't wait to see it. >> seth: i can't wait to see it. tina fey, everybody! "great news" airs thursday nights at 9:30 here on nbc. "mean girls" opens on broadway april 8th at the august wilson theater. tickets are on sale now, we'll be right back with kevin millar and sean casey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and appe
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everybody. our next guest, are former major league baseball stars. one is the co-hosts of "intentional talk" and a 2004 world series champion. and the other is an analyst for "mlb tonight" and a member of the cincinnati reds hall of fame. please welcome back to the show, two of our favorites, kevin millar and sean casey, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back guys. thank you. aren't they fantastic? >> they're amazing. >> seth: fifth time -- fifth time on the show. >> yeah. >> seth: great. >> heard tina -- this was her sixth time. >> seth: this was her sixth time. i don't want you to take -- don't be judged by that. yeah. >> martha stewart seven? >> seth: martha stewart seven. >> so we're going to come back next week. >> seth: so you are -- [ light laughter ] >> i'm going to schedule us next -- next week. >> seth: you want to take down martha stewart? >> yes. >> how great would that be? >> seth: yeah. [ talking over each other ] by the way, you would already be here more than martha stewart, if you guys could cook a little bit. >> i make a mean scramble. you come over my house, casey
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scramble. >> seth: okay, good. >> you cook? >> oh yeah, i cook. >> seth: cook -- by the way, a scramble is not a cook. >> what does that mean? by the way -- [ laughter ] is this pittsburgh lingo? what's that mean? scramble? >> it's a pittsburgh -- it's a pittsburgh thing. you know, a couple eggs. scramble 'em up. >> yeah, you guys are like, "yeah, okay." >> seth: that's not a pittsburgh thing. everybody knows what a scramble is. [ laughter ] >> hey, raise your hand if you know what a scramble is. see, no one raised their hand. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i think -- i would jump from scramble to probably scrambled eggs. plus, look at, it's sean. what else could he make? [ laughter ] >> i don't know, like fried cheese or something, you know what i'm saying? [ light laughter ] >> seth: but kevin, i was -- this made me so happy this summer. you went back, and this was an actual baseball game. st. paul saints, which was an independent league team, that you came up with. >> yes. >> seth: you came and you played in a minor league game this summer. this was not an exhibition, right? >> no. this was real stuff. 25 years ago i played the st. paul saints. bill murray owns the club. he's part owner. [ applause ] so i'm thinking okay, we're going to have a bobble head doll, right? and i'm like, "okay, yeah, i'll come back there, only if i get one at bat." now i said that as a joke. >> seth: yeah. >> okay. i'm an overweight dad. i'm like a dad's body, right? i haven't done a push-up in seven years. haven't seen live pitching in seven years. >> seth: yeah.
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>> okay? i took batting practice with my son in the garage. my son -- flip 'em, dad? 'cause i didn't want to blow out an oblique. >> seth: sure. [ light laughter ] >> god, it took 20 swings. that's it. >> seth: 20 swings. you have to be careful. >> and then -- >> seth: and then -- let's just go to the tape. this is real. ♪ >> drilled high into your left field. >> are you kidding me? gone! no way! [ cheers and applause ] >> i feel like i'm a natural. >> seth: it was the best. >> it truly was -- i didn't hit a home run in batting practice. the players, of course, you know, they all think you played in the big leagues. >> right, "you're gonna hit the home run." guys, i'm trying to just touch the ball. >> seth: yeah. >> and i hit a home run. it was a 1-0 pitch. i think i blacked out. [ laughter ] i didn't know what happened. i get over, "that was the greatest thing ever!" i'm like, "i just blacked out. what happened?" i didn't know what happened. [ light laughter ] >> seth: did you hear -- did the pitcher say anything? >> no, but that night i took all
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the boys out. we're out there having a drink and stuff. and all of a sudden, the pitcher was there. then our team was at the bar. i'm like -- they're like, "he wants to meet you." i'm like, "get him over here. i want to give him a hug." he's like, "i thought you were a dad, i just figure i'll throw a fastball. it was a 1-0 pitch." and i'm like, "thank you so much." [ light laughter ] >> seth: well it was great to watch. and you mentioned bill murray was a owner of the team. he was a first base coach a few times when you played. >> he was our first base coach. one day, i think i told the story, but he came to the field. he was in the same clothes. i'm like, "bill, what happened? you can't change?" and he got kicked out of his hotel room for playing ball with his kids. the broke a window and they kicked bill murray out, he slept in the parking lot at st. paul. >> seth: wow. >> yeah. so now, this is bill. this is his little bill. yeah, this is what you get. and now he's rich again. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you, you -- >> at the all-star game last year, real quick. my kids were there, we're sitting down. and you know, a guy hasn't come. and my kids were like, "who is this, there?" i don't know, here comes bill murray. it's like, hey, it's bill murray. my son andrew is sitting there. so, we're watching the game. all of a sudden, i see bull murray just reaching over just crushing my son's fries. boom. [ laughter ] and he's like, and my son leans in, and he's like, "dad, bull murray keeps eating my fries." i go, "let him eat 'em all." >> let him eat 'em. >> let him eat 'em, he's bull murray. [ laughter ] >> seth: you gotta let bill murray eat your fries. >> yes. >> seth: obviously, last year, a historic year in baseball. the cubs win the world series. and it was great because everybody was rooting for the cubs. there was a time where anyone was behind the idea of the cubs winning.
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>> oh, yeah. >> seth: your reds eliminated the cubs from the playoffs. >> yup. >> seth: and a lot of people feel sympathy for cubs fans. you do not choose the path of sympathy. >> i did not. and the reason was, 'cause when you're in cincinnati, obviously the cubs fans travel well. they're all there all the time. and everyone -- every time we went to chicago, they would kill us, right. all the time. and when you come out, seht, after the games, you roll up to the bus and there's always -- there was a bar right there and the fans would be like, "hey." you know, saying some things i can't say on tv. but, "yo, you guys stink." basically. >> their number one! >> all these -- yeah. all these years of that. so then, 2003 with the reds, we knock 'em out of the playoffs in that -- in the last couple games of the year. so they're out of the playoffs. we come to the bus. the fans aren't saying anything. and we're all like, "oh, what are you gonna say now? we finally knocked you out." so sure enough, at like 5:00, you're rolling out of wrigley's on a thursday. it's packed. traffic, you know. bumper to bumper. >> seth: yeah, all bars. >> all bars. all bars.
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bars everywhere. so we're like four blocks away. we're bumper to bumper. you see this packed cubs bar. just overflowing. i go up to the bus driver and i go, "let me out." he's like, "what?" and he's like, "we're in traffic." i go, "you got to let me out." and barry larkin. i'm like, "larkin, tell him to let me out." he was like, "let him out." so, next thing you know, i'm full suit. i walk out. walk right into this bar. and i'm like, "hey." and like, everyone kind looks at me like, "who's this idiot?" i'm like, "hey, all you chicago cub fans, the cincinnati reds just kicked your butt. like they say in chicago, better luck next season!" right? and i think it's really funny, until like 20 guys don't think it's funny. they start coming after me, and chasing me. and i'm like, "open the door!" to the bus driver. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh, just like -- this was such a bad idea. i like dive on the bus "dukes of hazard" style. boom, i'm in there. slide in through the thing. and then i get on the bus. everyone's pounding on the bus. and like fans are now on our bus. barry larkin said 19 years in the big leagues, greatest thing he's ever seen. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is -- i'm new to fatherhood. this is one of the greatest things i've ever seen. you were recently traveling with your son. >> i was. >> seth: you have -- how many kids? you have three or four? >> i have four, seth. >> seth: you both have four, right? >> it's lonely in beaumont, texas. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, and you traveled with your son, which is really sweet. a father/son trip.
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>> seth: you sent a photo. it seems like -- kevin, i want to say, it seems like you're in a first class seat, and it seems like your son is not. that is -- [ laughter and applause ] >> i've just got to -- i've got to be honest with you, though. >> that's the year. >> he's ten. i've won -- i've won dad of the year for six straight years. >> seth: yeah. >> i didn't want the seventh year, but i figured like, i'm not buying him a first class ticket. the kid's ten. so, i put him back there in coach and he's like, hey dad -- maybe, maybe -- you're ten, bro. what are you talking about? [ light laughter ] >> seth: you -- you've been married 20 years? >> oh, yeah. oh, yeah. >> seth: and i heard this story, which was fantastic. you went out of your way for your groomsman at your wedding, to give them a piece of baseball memorabilia. >> yes, memorabilia. yeah, so it was my rookie year. i'm hitting like 250. i'm like, i'm gonna be out of here soon. like, if i don't start hitting, you know, they're gonna send me down. but i'm like, my wedding's coming up, so i was thinking i've got ten groomsmen for some reason, you know what i mean? and i'm like, i've gotta -- i've gotta find a way to get these guys something cool. like some memorabilia. so i'm like, "i'll start collecting bats, right?" so i play first base. hold runners all.
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was tony gwynn. comes to first, knock to left. i'm like, "hey, tony, i know you don't know who i am. i've only been out three weeks and i'm not a good player. but, anyway -- [ laughter ] is there any chance you could send over a signed bat for my groomsman. tony gwynn's like, "all right, that's all right." so i get him, mark mcgwire, sammy sossa, larry walker. >> seth: and they just -- so after the game, they would send a bat over? >> oh yeah, send a bat over. >> seth: that's so nice. >> it was so nice. so the last guy, i'm at nine bats. i need one more groomsman, right? rickey henderson's out. i was like, "oh, man it's rickey henderson"? he comes to first, "like hey, rickey, how you doing?" says nothing. you know, he was one of the guys who didn't talk to you at first. so, but he talked in the third person. like if rickey swung and missed, he'd be like, "rickey don't swing at that pitch, rickey don't swing at that pitch, man." [ laughter ] right? so i'm holding him on, i'm like, "hey, rickey." i'm so nervous, but i'm like, i gotta do it for my groomsman. i'm like, "any chance you could send over a signed bat? i need one more bat for my wedding, for my groomsman." he looks at me, he's like, "rickey don't sign bats. rickey steals bases." bam! he stole second. [ laughter ] all right, looks like i ain't getting that tenth bat. what i did was i signed another bat from -- the kid -- my groomsmen had eight good bats, and two from me. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, well, that's still re
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handwriting, rickey henderson. >> rickey henderson, exactly. [ laughter ] >> seth: uh, thank you guys for being here, man. it's always such a pleasure to see you. [ cheers and applause ] kevin millar, sean casey. mlb network. exclusively televise the red sox at houston astros on thursday and yankees at cleveland on friday. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. so we here at "late night" we have a lot of expenses and to cover the cost of the show we take on sponsors. sometimes, sadly we have to take on some pretty terrible sponsors, sponsors i'm not proud of, sponsors i'm ashamed we took money from. but, because we took their money we now have to mention them on the air. so, i'd like to apologize in advance. "late night" is brought to you by rental floss. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] tired of paying exorbitant prices for new floss after every meal? save some cash with rental floss. because, renting is temporary, but cavities are forever. [ light laughter ] tonight's "late night" is also sponsored by bose smell cancelling nose plugs. [ light laughter ] perfect for the streets of new yorkd
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new york for that matter. and if that's not enough, then pick up a pair of bose sight canceling glasses, so the next time someone says, "hey, did you see that creep masturbating on the 'd' train?" you can say, "nope." [ light laughter ] don't forget about the san diego chargers. the football team may have skipped townm but you can still visit the only store in san diego that sells unpackaged phone chargers. what kind of phone will this charger charge? we're not sure, but probably a motorola razr. we've also got penguini. the only pasta made from real penguins. [ audience oohs ] mmm, that's good penguin. [ light laughter ] don't forget about fidget spinner stoppers. is your fidget spinner still spinning? wonder if it will ever stop? wonder no more, with fidget spinner stoppers. fidget spinner stoppers, the only fidget spinner stopper proven to stop fidget spinners from spinning. it's just a stick. [ cheers and applause ] don't forgetbo
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ruth bader ginsburg. from the supreme court to the basketball court, baderade is the drink for you. [ light laughter ] we're also sponsored by the travel toilet. worried you might need to go on the go? well, with the travel toilet you get a fully functional toilet that you can attach to your key chain. travel toilet, it's number one and two. [ laughter ] next up post zits, having a break out and a busy day? cover it up and keep track of your to do list with post zits. post zits, the post it that says, i have clear skin and dry cleaning. also adderall p.m., when you've got to stay awake, but you've got to go to bed. [ laughter ] next up, snail polish. nail polish for snails. just because you live in a dirty shell and leave a trail of slime behind you, doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel sexy. [ laughter ] and lastly, squeegee water. [ audience oohs ] wait. it's not what you think. can't afford fiji water? well, for a nickel a bottle you can have this instead.
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wrung straight from the source, this pristine water was used to clean the windows of the finest buildings in the city. it was what you thought. [ laughter ] squeegee water. the secret ingredient is windex. that's it for our bad sponsors. here are some of our good ones. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (bell ringing) so, i was at mom and dad's and found this. cds, baseball cards. your old magic set? (sigh) and this wrestling ticket. which you still owe me for. seriously? $25? i didn't even want to go. ahh, your diary! "mom says it is totally natural..." $25 is nothing. (alert beep) abracadabra, bro. settle up with your friends on october 17th with the bank of america mobile banking app. settle up with your friends on october 17th posting hashtag yeehaw. hashtag i have no signal and i still can't post out here. woah! look out, coming through. hey thomas. howdy there joy. see joy's got the new iphone with verizon unlimited.
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ralpand as a doctor, nobody ever asked if i'm a democrat or republican. they just want my help. so if donald trump is helping virginia i'll work with him. but donald trump proposed cutting virginia's school funding, rolling back our clean air and water protections, and taking away health care from thousands of virginians. as a candidate for governor, i sponsored this ad because i've stood up to donald trump on all of it. ed gillespie refuses to stand up to him at all. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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comedian. his album, "the matt goldich guarantee", is available friday, october 6th. please welcome our very good friend, matt goldich, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. i like facebook. [ light laughter ] that's a weird thing to say. i know. but i wish more websites were like facebook. like, how awesome would it be if you could go to a porn website and there was a category called "people you may know." i think that would be very exciting. [ laughter ] i'd be like forget about these amateurs. i'm going to see if my friend jeff is on here. that'd be pretty cool. [ laughter ] i went to a restaurant, not too long ago, that was not yet open to the public, because i'm a cool guy. and it was this thing. it was just for friends and family of the people who worked at the restaurant. it was called a soft opening. have you guys heard that expression? a soft open? yeah. that is the most disgusting
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life. [ laughter ] a soft opening. i -- i don't want to go anywhere near a soft opening. let alone eat inside one. i'm sorry. [ laughter ] i was watching a ryan gosling movie on cable every night and -- [ laughter ] there was this scene in the movie i saw where ryan gosling is watching his son be baptized from the back of a church and he just starts crying. and it's very emotional. very moving. and i was, like, how does ryan gosling start crying like that when he's acting in a movie. so i ready an interview with him and it turns out, what he'll do when he wants to start crying is he'll think to himself, "what if i wasn't ryan gosling." [ laughter ] and then the tears just start to flow. [ light laughter ] i have a two and a half year old son.
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of those comedians who was always talking about fatherhood, but then i thought to myself, who's the most famous comedian who always talked about fatherhood? bill cosby. and -- yeah. that's when i realized, you know, there's an opening at the top. [ laughter ] right? [ applause ] so, yeah. thank you. that's a g-rated bill cosby joke in 2017. that's very hard. [ laughter ] there you go. my son is starting to say really funny things. the other day he asked my wife, "can i touch your boobs?" and she was like, "no, you can't touch my boobs." and his response was, "can i do it quietly?" [ laughter ] naw, dude. that's way creepier. that's a -- [ laughter ] trust me, it's not a volume issue. that's not the problem. [ laughter ] i'm worried about him growing up, because i think kids grow up
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like i was talking to my nephew who's eight. and he was just mentioning some girl in his class. and i said "oh, is that your girlfriend?" and he said "no, girls have cooties." and i was like, "oh, well, you know, some day you'll like girls." and he said "stop being so heteronormative." i was like, "whoa." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] where did that come from? i don't think i'll be good giving my son the sex talk. like i know i'll say things that will confuse him. you know, i'll be like, "all right, listen up, you should always practice safe sex and never have sex without a condom, because trust me, once you do you're never going to want to go back to using a condom again. so." [ laughter ] it's just a lot less fun. [ light laughter ] boy -- i think we can all agree that the country is crazy right now politically. here's how f'd up things are right now. i actually know who my congressperson is. [ laughter ]
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that is not normal. let's not normalize that. i don't want to know that guy's name. but we're a very divided nation. but personally, i choose not to focus on the things that divide us. as people i choose to focus on the things that unite us. and the one thing we all have in common, whether you're a republican or democrat or black or white, gay or straight, each and every one of us, we all have a podcast. and i think that's -- [ light laughter ] what's going to take us into the next decade. well i have to go in a minute, but before i do, i just wanted to make a quick announcement to you guys as a public service, that october is national awareness month. so -- yeah. just -- just be on the lookout in general. [ laughter ] thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: matt goldich,
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that was great. >> nice to finally meet you. >> seth: nice to meet you too. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] sweet 4k tv, mr. peterson. thanks. pretty psyched. did you get fios too? no. mr. peterson, fios is a 100% fiber optic-network. what does that mean? think about it. if you got an awesome new car you'd put the best gas in it, right. so why hook up your awesome technology to anything other than a fiber-optic network? i got to go. peterson. peterson's wife. counting on you guys. your internet deserves the 100% fiber-optic network. and now get our fastest internet ever plus tv and phone for just $79.99 per month.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to tina fey, kevin millar and sean casey, matt goldich, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] gene hoglan, 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening, i'm carson daly. welcome to "last call." tonight we're coming to you from the hilton in universal city and we've got a killer lineup for you. let's kick things off right now with the "last call" spotlight. have a look.
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